I have been hearing a lot of people talk of having issues, work issue, parent issue, child issue, love issue, medical issue, money issue, trust issue, spouse issue etc. of course all this is not in a day or two but over a period of years and I am one of those people too who has a million and one issues. Some are really not so important issues like why do not I have the latest phone, or why can’t travel, or what to wear this evening kind of issues, which can easily be ignored rather lived without too. And then we have human to human issues which I feel if we are mature grownups (at least I get that feeling after my 40th) we should resolve them with the people who we have those issues with or if they are less important people then just leave them where they are and move on without looking back. You can only try that many times to reconcile or confront and if it is not working it is they loss in the long run. (If of course you owe them money or any kind of favour then you cannot forget them – lol – just kidding but yes money can be a very very sensitive issue or even if it is some sort of emotional attachment). Whatever the case, if someone has been there for you or bailed you out or watched your back then there are better ways to deal with them.

Majority of the people have issues and some sort of negative pattern in their behavior no matter how many times they apologize about it or promise to be a better person. Nothing changes. It’s easier said than done to let them go. Some of these people can be your family, your close friends, your companion, your boss, your neighbor. Some we cannot leave out of choice, some out of our need, some out of responsibility (we just go on without disturbing our surroundings) some you might bump into at work every day, some at social gatherings very often and some just might live down the road…

We can choose to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to all these unpleasant people and try and be in a happy place without them. But it is not so simple; we are going to have to deal with these issues and these people. We have to find better ways to cope up, confront or mutually meet certain standards for the relationship you share with those people.

And hell no, it is wrong to put up with any kind of abuse. Don’t let people (who ever it might be) go overboard with their nasty behavior or push you to hate yourself. You cannot change anyone, be it your own blood or your best friend. If people make you feel bad consistently and put you down. Don’t value you and your time in their lives. Then they need to get the heck out. Please show them that Life Goes On and you are nobody’s commodity to play and please when they require to feel good about themselves. No one is perfect however if these people exhibit negative behaviors regularly and habitually, you definitely need to leave them behind in 2014 and move on in 2015.

There is no right answer or wrong answer in most of the cases, no key formula for human behavior. Please do not diss anyone, do not inflict pain just to feel superior. Speak to them, talk to them, at least try to do so, do not demean and belittle anyone existence esp. the ones you are in your lives or at least were in your lives for a reason or relation.

We all have different stories, life experiences and facts to tell and to hide. Only you know yourself better than anyone else in this world. If you cannot help, don’t judge. If you cannot talk or confront, don’t sweep the dust under the rug and pretend that you have done nothing wrong or no one needs you.

We can all be compassionate human beings if we want to be and who we want to be with. We all can listen, encourage, show empathy and sympathy and give a pat on the shoulder. We all have the power to break or make someone. It is all within US. We always have a choice.

But whatever your relationship is with people, please beware of manipulators. Try to differentiate and recognize people and then shun them accordingly. Our happiness depends on our sanity. And no one has the right or the power to ruin it. There is a lot happening in this world and it sucks to see people who you know personally behave like you never knew them at all and wished that you had not made those relations with them. Nevertheless I feel, all our experiences in life teach us a lot and make us stronger. It’s a very touching topic and I can go on and on but just to end it on a note. Don’t have so many different rule books for so many different people. Sometimes your stupid behavior can cause metal illness or torture to the people in your life. And just like we don’t know everyone’s story – they might not know yours. So be considerate and talk and talk and talk. Meet the people who you want to meet and spend time with. Live with people you are close to your heart. Stop Complaining!! Stop believing in what is not there, because your are only deceiving yourself. Do not interfere in others’ lives if you do not want the same people to interfere in yours. Try to be nice do not try to be naïve.


The 5 Types of Gift Givers

xmas giftsDo you recognise anyone you know?

1. The Genuine Giver

If you are lucky enough to have one or two of these folks in your life, it’s time for rejoicing. The genuine giver has actually thought about you and what would give you pleasure. Our culture likes to believe that everyoneis a genuine giver—if you doubt it, just re-read O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi—but maybe what really makes this kind of giving so special is that it’s the exception, not the rule.  That gives us all the more reason to savor the moment. If you’re a genuine giver yourself, then all the studies above don’t apply to you and I’m willing to bet that Christmas is your favorite time of year…

2. The Status Hound

This is the costly gift as self-enhancement—a show of money or power, or perhaps both. In this case, the gift has nothing to do with the recipient but everything to do with the giver. These are the gifts for which the exchange receipt was invented, and the truth is that they aren’t emotionally painful unless the giver is a true intimate—a lover or a spouse—in which case the status gift can pack a big emotional wallop. (I’m disagreeing here with the research I’ve just cited; I personally find this kind of gift very painful.) If you’d like to see this in action, just replayThe War of the Roses, especially the Christmas scenes.

3. The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

This is the giver who likes to be thought of as a wonderful gift-giver with perfectly wrapped gifts but his or her spirit is no more genuine than the Status Hound; in the end, Christmas is all about him or her. The Wolf is likely to send a check, rather than a present, and will “re-gift” items without thinking about whether the gift actually suits the recipient. The Wolf likes gift-giving to be even-steven—especially in terms of money spent—so beware of possible posturing or pouting if he or she is disappointed. Paradoxically, the Wolf is also likely to be a discriminating giver—within the family, some members will be luckier than others since the Wolf doesn’t shy away from playing favorites, as one woman recounts: “My brother doesn’t like my husband, though he is close to my sister’s spouse and he doesn’t shy away from making it known when it comes to the holidays. But the thing is that it’s so obvious—Jim gets a golf club while my husband gets a CD or e-book—that it really doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just become par for the season… And the source of many inside jokes.”

4. The Power Player

Perhaps the worst kind of giver—the one who really knows how to manipulate the symbolic nature of the gift—these people are the likeliest to hurt or disappoint us, especially at the holidays. Because they understand how gifts can cause us pain, consciously or unconsciously, they choose gifts that do exactly that.

Here’s one woman’s story: “Everything my mother gave me for Christmas was either two sizes too small or something that would be hideously unflattering. It was her way of reminding me that I was overweight—as if I didn’t have a mirror and somehow didn’t know.” A son tells how his parents—despite everything he’d told them—gave his children wildly expensive toys and clothing which only increased the tension between parents and grandparents. “My father likes to be thought of as a great provider, and his gifts imply that I’m not. My wife and I aren’t comfortable with our kids wearing designer jeans to school and we’ve told my parents that but they don’t want to hear it. The holiday is always about him, not us.”

5. The Complainer

Yes, it’s not just that you have to appreciate the gift the Complainer gives you; you have to listen endlessly to the travails and inconveniences he or she experienced this holiday season, especially during the acquisition ofyour gift. Luckily, the Complainer is easy to spot and more of a nuisance than anything else, and one of the reasons wine is part of holiday celebrations.

With all that in mind, happy shopping and wrapping and, of course, gifting! May your holidays be bright! – Peg Streep