Tag: realtionships

Wise or Wicked thoughts

thinking believing

All of us cannot move onto something brighter and better, if we don’t leave the stuff that is blocking us from moving forward. Clear your head or your heart, let go of the old thing, only take what you learned from it. You cannot take everything with you the good or the bad; we can only learn and try to follow the lesson.

Doors will close, people will walk away… So what!! You are still there and you will always be – with yourself!! Be adult enough to know no one stays forever, no one.. Keep moving forward with yourself, be a better person to all except ignoring the people who ignore you or disrespect you or dislike you or even better the ones who have no time for you.. (I am not going to ask you to love them) 🙁

We all have permanent people in our life (mostly family) and of course the loved ones, friends and some well-wishers who haven’t changed over the years. The rest are just tagalongs, pileons, egocentric, selfish, pretenders, losers, cribbers, users, manipulators, exploiters and self-seekers!!!

A very close friend always told me, “Ask God, to remove people from your life who no longer serve you, lift you or contribute to your well-being.” And if they are meant to stay God will keep them. If not, I guess they weren’t meant to be. Closure helps or else the bull shit will follow you.

Appreciate and enjoy every experience. Never run or jump after something. Of course all this comes with maturity or perhaps after you turn 40!! 🙂 You cannot make anything work just because you want it to work for you, be it a machine or a human – if its broken it’s broken!

Be humble and rest will follow (along with the right people in your life – the permanent ones (who love you and are supposed to be part of your life no matter how big or small role they play).

How to argue fairly

“The most important thing for a good relationship is to learn how to argue peaceably”

Disagreements are a part of human nature and though they can be tiring at times, if they are handled properly they can be settled with no long term damage to a relationship. Almost always, it is not topic of the argument but lack of any ground rules that make things spiral out of control.

First and foremost is the way you approach an argument, an argument occurs when two people have differing opinions on a topic, each believing that they are right. Unfortunately people approach the argument looking for control or for staking their claim to be right rather than looking for a resolution where all parties are heard and opinions debated. Remember this is a relationship not a full body contact sport like wrestling where there has to be a clear winner.

Some specific points to follow are:

Privacy matters – No arguing in public, the argument is between the two of you and that is where it remains.

The past is the past – We all have made mistakes, an argument is not the right time to bring them up. Keep the argument relevant – old grudges should be left out

Don’t make it personal – Stay focused on the topic, you have an issue and sort it out – Don’t start on personal traits, if it is relevant to the topic, then approach it in a different manner that shows how you are affected by it rather than exclaim the personality trait over and over.

Is anybody listening ?– Make an effort and listen to what your partner is trying to say – sure you might think that it has all been said before and you know what it’s all about but you really might not have a clue. Besides it lets the other person vent, and perhaps that it what is really required.

Graceful exits – The ending of an argument is critical to a relationship, notice if your partner is trying to end the argument and accept it – It could be in the form of a joke in the middle of an argument or an action such as walking back into an argument they just ran out on.

Importance scale– People disagree all the time, is everything you disagree about that important to you  that you need to get mad all the time or is it something that you can let slide and leave it for the important stuff.

Watch the clock – It is an argument not a war – there has to be a time limit – If you feel that you are going around in circles, let it go and cool down. Come back to it another time.

Communication is the key in any relationship and it is the lack of it that causes friction.

People tend not to speak when something small upsets them under the guise of not wanting to create issues but these small things tend to build up resentment in one and usually an extremely small incident occurs that causes your partner to face the full wrath of your fury.  At this point the other person is wondering what was that important that caused all this to happen and blames you back for getting mad all the time . So next time don’t let things build up and explode – Talk people ! Talk!

And most importantly prioritise, and do not sweep it under the rug!